The Rules of Dating
We hear dating advice from friends all the time, but usually we hear it from our female friends. And odds are they have no idea what to do, we simply do what we have been told. And with changing times this is not the best idea. I will recommend the book He's Just Not That Into You It's a simple book to follow and from a guys perspective which helps a lot. Men are less complicated then we think.
The Rules:1. Make The First Move We all know how it was in the past, the guy always asked the girl out. For the most part this hasn't changed. Women are still waiting for the man to ask them out. But a lot of guys like it if the girl asks them out or makes the first move. This can be really helpful. He might really like you but is scared of rejection or is just plain shy. Why pass up on the opportunity for a great relationship because you decided to wait. You could wait a long time. Why should we wait at all? Ok so you're scared of rejection or you're shy. The worst that can happen is he says no. And then great now you know. You won't ever be wondering what could have been, you will know. Odds are it's nothing against you, he just "wasn't that into you". And if that's the case, then move on, you WILL find someone who wants to be with you for you! Many men are also flattered when a woman makes the first move, it takes some of the pressure off. We're all wondering what if he/she doesn't like me. And that is just a chance you have to take. If you are young and in high school, just remember it isn't supposed to be serious dating, you should be dating different people to find out what you like and don't like. Already know what you like? Try a different flavour you never know, they may treat you better and you discover something about yourself. I found in high school there was all this fear of rejection or fear of not being with anyone. Dating is not a status symbol. And most relationships in high school don't amount to anything serious (it might feel serious but you may not marry that person). So have fun, enjoy the time you have!
2. Do Not Play Hard To Get So many of us play hard to get, we want the guy to see us flirting with other men or making it seem like we are wanted by many guys. Sure that might feel good to you, but do you think he likes it? Two can always play that game. When you play hard to get you are lessening your chances of a relationship with that person. The guy might start to doubt himself and his worth and think he doesn't have a chance with you. He may stop pursuing you because he doesn't like games or feels powerless. Men like to know they are wanted too you know. If you do play hard to get and get into a relationship with this person it also puts a wedge in the relationship from the start. He will feel like you could up and leave at any time, which may be true, but it gives him reason to doubt you and the relationship. He may feel you are more interested in other guys and perhaps is cheating on him. This could make him over protective and jealous. Not good if you want a serious relationship.
This ties back to rule 1. Men are flattered when they know you like them. It's an ego boost and this may help him to continue the relationship if he feels he has a chance with you. We've all heard the "you can't call till the 3rd day" thing. I don't agree with this. If you honestly had an amazing date and like this person then it's ok to call them the day after. Maybe not in the morning but wait till the next evening. Sure we don't want to come off as super eager/desperate but it is ok to express your feelings. You'll know pretty quick if that person feels the same way. When you call, if they try to set up a date or try to avoid setting up a date you have your answer. If they like you too they will want to set up a date as well for the near future. If not, don't worry about it, you're off to the next one. You don't have to linger on a person who is not going to reciprocate your feelings. If you decide not to call him and let him call you, pay attention to how long it takes him to call you. If it takes more then 4 days then don't look at this as a serious relationship or even a potential relationship. Why would it take that long if you like the person? Odds are you just might be a booty call or his other prospective fell through. Don't be the last resort. If he calls you the next weekend and want to get together that night then you better believe you are not his number one and he has no intention of keeping you around.
A lot of relationships end when we are younger and sometimes we aren't sure why. I think one of the biggest problems is we aren't straight forward with the other person. If you are honest with yourself and the other person from the get-go, you can avoid wasting time. Don't try to be someone he will like. He either likes you or he doesn't. And if you have to pretend to be someone else, it will end badly. Eventually the person will catch on and you will be dateless. So be honest about yourself, no lying about your age/family/friends/job/interests/etc. You don't have to tell that person everything, not in the early stages, but don't lie about it. People reveal more as they get to know one another. But if you start off with a lie, it becomes harder and harder to keep. I think ultimately we want to end up with the love of our life. In order to do that you must find someone who is compatible, who has the same goals and ambitions. So why not be straight forward about those very things? I found if I was completely honest about what I wanted, nay expected, in a relationship I could cut through the dating process, and find the person who was ment for me. Sure you'll probably end up with a lot of first dates and no second dates, or no date at all. But think about it this way. If you were to go on a second, or third or fourth date with someone, only to have it end because you hadn't laid your expectations out, thats time when you could have been having first dates with other potentials. The goal is not to date as many men as possible. The goal is to go on multiple dates with someone who really and truly could be your life partner. Doesn't that sound better?
** More to Come **
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