A lot of guys have been asking about how to make sex better for their partner. I have some helpful advice from my friend Gabrielle Moore.
Learn:Why Is It Difficult for Women to Reach an Orgasm?Is Her NOT ‘Coming’ Getting in the Way of Your Relationship?How to Give Her an Orgasm
Why Is It Difficult for Women to Reach an Orgasm?
According to reports, roughly 70% of women don’t reach an orgasm during intercourse. Although that figure in itself is shocking, it also makes you wonder about how many women never orgasm at all (i.e., intercourse or not)!
A lot of flack fall on men on why women don’t experience an orgasm but truth be told, women have a lot to do about this as well whether they realize it or not.
6 Reasons Why Women DON’T Climax
There are many reasons why women don’t reach sexual climax. Some of them maybe men’s faults but a lot can be because of her too…
Foreplay? What foreplay?
Foreplay is extremely important. For women, making love begins in the mind and if you don’t ‘condition’ her mind for sex, then chances are she won’t be sexually reciprocating in bed too. Furthermore, women really do need more time than men to reach an orgasm; so foreplay is actually your way of extending your own sexual stamina.
She’s thinking too much!
Women are natural multi-taskers. Unfortunately, they’re so used to thinking and doing several things at the same time that they find it hard to simply be ‘in the moment’ during sex. If most men can be very ‘in the zone’ during sex, women seem to have various thoughts running through their heads all the time (e.g., home chores that need to be done, kids’ homework, dirty laundry, etc.).
She’s full of… insecurities.
Women have many body image issues. While you may adore her, her mind is probably worried about at least three different things as you undress her: Is the light revealing any cellulite? Are my ‘love handles’ protruding? Does he think my breasts are too small/big?
If body image anxiety is not in her head, then she may be thinking about things such as “I didn’t shower yet, I hope I smell good… especially down there.”, or “I didn’t pee. I hope I don’t embarrass myself.”
ALL these thoughts are making her focus on the wrong things! It’s taking attention away from sexual pleasure and into sexual insecurities. And when a woman is in this mode, it’s almost impossible to her focus on reaching her own climax!
She really doesn’t know her own body.
There is a certain art form to making love to a woman’s body. It really does have a lot of mysterious curves, spots and turns. Sadly, many women don’t indulge in a lot of ‘self exploration’ when it comes to sex. As such, it’s hard to guide you on what makes her feel good or which techniques really turn her on. And really, if she doesn’t know her own body, how can you be expected to instinctively know what brings her pleasure, right?
The best thing is… it’s never too late to learn! Why don’t you BOTH explore her body? Don’t rush anything and try everything. See what turns her on best and use that knowledge to make her reach her orgasm. Make it your sexual quest!
YOU’re not paying attention!
True, men are not mind-readers. Unfortunately, many women are not great communicators in bed as well so we have a little problem here. Compounding this problem is of course that favorite female bedroom habit of ‘faking orgasms’. As a result, YOU think that what you’re doing is great when in reality you may not even be close!
To solve this particular problem, try to develop a certain ‘sexual code’ between you two. For instance, a slight squeeze on your arm means “You’re doing great! Pls. keep doing it!”; while nails on your skin or arm mean “enough of that!”. You will receive more squeezes, however, if you know some important facts.
YOU’re changing ‘techniques’ too fast.
Men like to try different sexual positions and that’s great but sometimes you may be changing just a bit too fast. Women need to get accustomed to a certain ‘rhythm’ before sexual pleasure begins to climb. If you keep shifting positions, she will either (a) never find the position that brings her an orgasm, (b) lose the sexual pleasure she was experiencing in the previous position or (c) be so frustrated that even if you go back to the same position, she may not be that sexually aroused again.
So keep this in mind: when it comes to female orgasm it’s not just location, location, location… it’s also about repetition, repetition, repetition.
Hopefully this list of potential reasons why your partner is not reaching an orgasm paves the way for discussion between the two of you. Don’t focus on why she’s not reaching an orgasm. Instead, focus on what you guys are going to do, so that she does reach her climax. That’s a more positive approach and lot more fun too!
Is Her NOT ‘Coming’ Getting in the Way of Your Relationship?
Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. It’s a fact that men and women are different and that extends to achieving sexual pleasure as well. Take for instance the topic of orgasms; men reach their climax sooner than women. Period.
Unfortunately, since the reasons WHY a woman does not reach an orgasm as fast as a man are not explored, what happens is that the sexual relationship generally develops into one where reaching her orgasm is not even an objective!
Society has a lot to do with this. It seems that women, in general, have been raised with the mentality that when it comes to sex, his orgasm is the goal. As for her, it’s ok; it’s natural that she doesn’t reach an orgasm. And while couples easily accept this, what most people don’t realize is that a woman not reaching her orgasm is actually the root of MANY relationship problems.
Relationship Problems Caused by Your Partner Not Reaching an Orgasm
Sexual Frustration. Imagine if you have sex with your partner and you’re never given the chance to reach your climax. That’s a dreadful thought, isn’t it? You probably wouldn’t even call it ‘having sex’ at all. Think of all that frustration inside you that just grows after each time you have sex. Well, it’s the same for women!
Even though it would take longer for women to reach the point of ‘sexual frustration’, they will reach it one way or the other. And this frustration will manifest itself in many different areas in your relationship.
Resentment. You can’t blame women for wanting what they see as an obviously great and pleasurable experience for you. If you don’t take the time to learn how to bring her to an orgasm, then she will soon begin to resent your ‘selfishness’ in bed. After all, why should you have all the fun?
Again, this resentment may start small but sooner or later, it will grow and reveal itself in other areas of your relationship. For instance, she may become short-tempered with you, and you will see this as simply her being annoying or a nag. Do you see how this can easily become a big problem in your relationship?
Decrease in Sexual Intimacy. For many women, instead of discussing the topic of female orgasm with their partners, they deal with their sexual frustration by turning to other things such as using sex toys or engaging in self-pleasure or masturbation. While using pleasure toys and pleasuring one’s self is not bad at all, using it as a permanent substitute to reach an orgasm is!
Pretty soon, the act of making love itself will look less and less thrilling for her. After all, she knows she can get greater pleasure from her sex toys and through masturbation than by making love with you. As a result, she will be less and less inclined to engage in sex.
And now the tables have turned. As she loses interest in sex, now YOU are the one who’s going to start to feel sexually frustrated.
Relationship Withdrawal. When physical intimacy decreases, overall relationship closeness begins to decline as well. You see, if you don’t make love, you also don’t reach that magical moment called ‘afterglow’, when a couple truly bonds after having sex.
Think about it this way: each day that you don’t make love, is a day that brings the two of your further and further apart.
Infidelity. If a woman gets to experience sexual pleasure only through sex toys and by the use of her own hand, and if this makes her lose interest in the sexual act itself with you, then imagine how ‘easy’ it can be for her to fall for another man!
If a woman meets a person who can bring her tremendous physical pleasure that no one has ever given her before, isn’t it logical that she would fall head over heels over this person? After all, in her eyes, it’s this person who truly cares about her. Otherwise, why would he go to such great lengths to pleasure her?
Female orgasms are not often talked about but in reality, a lot of relationships suffer the consequences of women not reaching their climax. So if you want a great relationship, one that’s also characterized by great sex, then the best thing you can do is to ENSURE you know how to make her reach her climax.
How to Give Her an Orgasm
Is it really so hard to give a woman an orgasm? Many say it’s difficult but many men also claim that it’s very easy… IF you know what to do. So the question is, do you?
Any health, loving and lasting relationship counts a great sex life as a key ingredient. And if you look around you, it’s probably not hard to tell which couples are truly happy with each other. These are the couples that still look at each other with lust in their eyes! So what’s their secret? It’s probably because they are BOTH sexually satisfied in their relationship.
A lot of people know that women don’t reach an orgasm as easily or as quickly as men. What many don’t realize is that this does nothing but build sexual frustration. And sexual frustration manifests itself in many negative ways in a relationship; until one day, you both wake up and realize that you no longer have passion in each other and in your lives.
The good news is it’s really not hard at all to make a woman reach an orgasm. But you both have to work at it, which, if you think about it, is part of the fun as well!
How to Make Her ‘Come’ – A Step-by-Step Guide
You may find this step-by-step guide useful. It is one of the many tools that Gabrielle Moore, an expert on sex education has created.
Step 1Engage in a lot of foreplay! Foreplay is very important because it helps her relax her mind and make her more focused on the lovemaking at hand. It’s also a great way to bond as many women associate foreplay as a man’s way of taking time and ensuring sex is not just a physical act but about intimacy.
Foreplay can start hours or even days in advance and is really limited only by your sexual imagination. As you keep this ‘sexual tension’ high, you’ll find that it’s actually easier to bring her to an orgasm once you do engage in sex.
Step 2If foreplay is the ‘primer’, oral sex is the next big step. Many women actually claim that oral sex is the ONLY way they can reach an orgasm so if you both want it to be that way, then don’t resist.
When you do go down on her, don’t rush it. Show her that you really love her by lavishing her genitals with your undivided attention. Enjoy the journey as much as the destination so to speak.
At the start, just tease and lick softly and lovingly. Once she’s focused on that part of her body, increase the tempo. When you notice that her breathing is getting faster and harder or if her legs are becoming taut, move your attention to her clitoris. Tease it by drawing small circles around it with your tongue and then apply more pressure and lick faster.
If she gives any indication at all that she’s really turned on, remember this: DON’T change anything. Keep the tempo of what you’re doing and she’ll reach her orgasm soon enough.
Step 3If your tongue doesn’t bring her to an immediate orgasm, don’t despair. Don’t forget that your fingers can be put to good use too! Use your index finger to ‘trace’ the outline of her labia. Be sure to touch her gently. This is guaranteed to electrify her body. After this, place your index and middle finger together and then draw circles around her clitoris.
Pay attention to her body (is it in a pleasured, relaxed state or is it pulled taut like a string?) to gauge just how turned on she is. Don’t forget to pay attention to her moans and groans as well.
You can alternate using your tongue and fingers to stimulate her clitoris and just like what’s advised above, if she indicates something that’s really turning her on, just keep doing it!
Step 4If clitoral stimulation has not brought on an orgasm yet, then try G-spot stimulation! Assuming that she’s already hot and wet, slowly insert your index and middle finger inside her womanhood, palm up. Once inside, position your fingers to the “11 o’clock”. Slowly try and locate a small bump or swelling (like an engorged clitoris). Once you find this spot, congratulations… you’ve located the elusive G-spot!
Step 5 You can stimulate the G-spot in many ways. You can tap it with your fingers, draw lazy or frenzied circles around it, or flick it wildly like a light switch. If you wish, you can use your thumb to stimulate her clitoriswhile stimulating her G-spot. This will surely give her an orgasm to be remembered!