Getting out of a Sex Rut

Whether you recently moved in with him, got married or had kids, maybe you’ve noticed a decline in the sex. You might feel you need to make a huge effort just to have sex when really you’d rather go to bed. Your in a rut, a sex rut. So how do you get out of it? Remember a time when you had sex all the time and it was exciting? But now not so much. Lets find a way to get back to that stage.

Play 12 Nights of Passion

Sex games can be as easy or as complicated as you want them to be. There are those where you just whip out a sex game board and be done with it in a few minutes – nothing wrong with that! – but there are also those that take some time in its execution.
Your sex life should never be a routine. That’s why it’s important to engage in BOTH simple and more complex sex games. One benefit of the latter is that the longer you delay actual lovemaking, the hotter you guys are by that time! 

Have a Date Night

Have a night where you actually have a date, no chores, childcare, work or homework. You don’t have to have a big budget to do this, you can do it cheaply.

You could go out for supper or have dinner by candlelight at home. You could rent a movie or go out to one. For many more date ideas see the Dating Section.

The idea of this is to make you feel carefree, like you did when you started dating. You get to forget the challenges and duties of everyday life. Have a little wine, a lot of fun and let loose before you go back to normal life.

Can’t Swing a Date Night?

Sometimes it isn’t practical to do a date night, so how about some alone time? Even an hour or two before bed can help. Put the kids to bed, set aside your chores and focus on each other. It’s amazing what simply kissing can do for you. It can get you in the mood and bring those sensations rushing in. Don’t worry about feeling like a teenager again, that’s the point!

Fantasy Talk

Next time your going to bed why not try talking dirty or telling your lover about your fantasies. Or things you can imagine doing to your lover. You can decide to have sex or hold off to build the passion. When you finally do get to it, you will be eager to do so.

Little Messages

Why not leave little notes or texts for the other throughout the day. Make them more intimate and personal as the day goes on, it can help build the suspense.

Sometimes You Just Have to Try

Sometimes we simply don’t feel like it, but odds are we could try to get in the mood. Why not make the conscious effort, but both people have to do this. He used to do more foreplay or do things to get you in the mood? Tell him he can’t simply smile and think it will work the magic. He needs to put the effort forth like before, with that in mind, you need to woo him as well.

There’s a Baby in the Way

Often after having a baby your tired, stressed or not in the mood. Maybe you are worried about having sex or birth control after childbirth. You can go to your doctor for advice. Make sure you set some time aside for some romance and time without the baby, get a friend/family/sitter to watch the baby so you can rekindle your romance.

Be Cutesy

Try things like hand holding, more hugs, a slap on the ass, etc. Anything to make physical contact and flirt.

Be Appreciative

If your spouse does something that you appreciate or makes you happy, tell him so! Everyone like to know they are wanted/needed/appreciated this can help build your emotional relationship more and help to dissolve any tensions you might be having.

Working Out Your Problems

I have no answer for this, every couple has their issues. But if you have issues that are causing stress and you believe you can work through them, then do so, this might be what you need to help revive your love life.

Make the Bedroom Yours

If you’re a parent you probably have pictures of your kids, quite possibly in your bedroom. The bedroom is where you started your family and naturally you are proud of them. But you are still a woman with needs. Get the family photos out of the bedroom and make it your own sexual space again. Keep it sacred and use your room for sex and sleeping.
Which I also need to mention the point of getting rid of the TV from the bedroom. You’re not in there to watch TV, it creates the wrong atmosphere and causes distraction.

Play Out Your Fantasies

Whether it’s costumes or role playing, indulge in each others fantasies. You have nothing to lose by trying and even if it doesn’t work at least you gave it a shot and your partner should appreciate you for that.

Counselling

Sometimes the problems run deeper, it may be wise to go for couples counselling. It can help to have someone act as the mediator and just listen to your problems. If you think the problem is only you then go by yourself for a while and see if it helps.